Real sex for real women (2-2)

Know your mind
You brain is your biggest sex orgain. You mind and your emotional health are intimately tied to your libido.

p.52 Sex is a natural and healthy part of being human, though it does attract labels--from ourselves and from others. But trying a new sex position or act does not make a woman a slut. You can play the whore in the bedroom, or act naive.
p.54 Self-esteem and happiness depend on self-acceptance. Look in the mirro every day, and repeat this mantra until it becomes part ofyour being: " I am in charge of my actions. I control my own happiness. I accept and love myself."
If you want to enjoy a healthy sex life, it is vital your man knows you find him attractive. Lift his confidence. Write yourself a mental note to compliment your partner every day. It is also important to compliment his sexual prowess. Many men associate manhood with being a knowckout in bed, so praise him on his staying power or ginital appearance.
Focus on the good things. Accentuate the positive in your relationship and ignore the negative. In other words, thanking your partner for his compliment will remind him to do it more often.

p,66Mismatched libido
Long-term couples can't expect their libido to be constant. If you notice your partner seems less interested in sex than usual gently askt hem about it. There's no replacement for direct communication, even in the oldest and most familiar of relationships.

p.70 Releasing your inner vixen.
Our sexy selves often go into hiding because we are too shy or self-conscious to give our sexuality free rein. To bring your vixen back to the surface, you have to leeave your comfort zone. Challenge yourself: try a bold new move in the bedroom, or a new design on your pubic hair. Embrace--and flaunt--the fact that you are sexy.

1.Play the flirt
A little flirty smile at your doorman or waiter is harmless, and it boosts your confidence throughout the day. Flirt with your partner--send him an x-rated email, caress his bottom as you pass in the hall, show him a little thigh, or a lot of cleavage.
2. Seduce him
Run him a hot bubble bath when he gets home and then climb in beside him.. Scrub his body, wash his hair, then lead him to the bedroom and offer him sex the wy he likes it most.
Trust in lingerie
Make sexiness part of your daily routine. You'll find that you feel different about yourself when you are wearing sexy underwear instead of granny panties.
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Know your relationship
As both of you grow and change, you might find your relationship changes, too. The challenge is to keep your relationship fresh and sexy throughout life's many stages.

p.74
In long-term relationships, couples still have to work hard to preserve the romance in their relationship. Keep your sex life vibrant by tring opositions or techniques, and taking the time to flirt with, seduce, and romance each other. Fantasy, erotica, and sex toys may help to keep it exciting.

Get the romance back
1. Pursue adventure
Your initial feelings of excitement when you first met your lover canot be duplicated, but they can be imitated. When people engage in adventurous activities such as bungee jumping, riding roller-coasters, skiing, or even watching a scary movie, their brains emit dopamine and adrenaline, which are similar to the chemicals emitted during infatuation. By participating in these types of activities with your partner, you get to spend quality time together and benefit from the surges of excitement and attraction.
2. Stay sexy
3. Make a date
All long-term couples benefit from setting a date night and spending quality time together outside the home.

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Connecting with your relationship
All relationships take work, so it makes sense that the most important relationship in your life should require the most owrk and commitment. "Happily ever after" is the stuff of fairy talkes.
Make a commitment to reality. Your relationship isn't going to be a fairy tale. There will be times when you are not attracted to your partner, times when you want to kill him, and times when the sex isn't great.
Once two people are in a commited relationship, they tend to let certain aspects of their lives fall away--sex and excitement are som,etime among them. By the time your relationship hits the 2-3 year mark, you need to put in some effort and use a little imaginatio to recreate the passion and romance of your early relationship. This might mean regular weekends away or makrking a "sex night" on the calendar.

Romance is not a single event, ut an ongoing attitude. When sitting in the car, reach over and touch his thigh. Post a sexy promise on his pillow. These small things add up to something much bigger.

Preserve a little mystery. Keep things interesting.

Make your relationship a haven for laughter, silliness, and fun. Whether it is the private nickname you call him, his shower songs, or your special jokes during sex, intimacy is created through these little secrets.

p.92 Communicating needs and desires
Effecting change in your sex life. POstive change always begins with proactive efforts. Too often, women take a back seat when it co,mes to their relatiomnships and their sexual pleasure, assuming that their partners will know what they need and that the sparks will fly on their own. Unfortunately, this is hardly ever the care
In order to create a positive change in the bedroom and in your relationship, you need to step up and take the reins. Now is not the time to be self-conscious or self-doubting--only you know what you want, and what you need. If you want more romance, don't be shy about initiating a little sexual magic to seduce your partner to your way of thinking. Along with the willingness to put in the time and effort, you also need to be honest with your partner. Let him know your needs. After all, he isn't a mind reader.

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Arousal and orgasm
Kissing is an important bonding mechanism.
Regular touch will naturally increase intimacy. Making nonerotic touch an everyday part of your relationship--playing with your partner's hair, or tickling their back.

Wrestle for it --rolling and play-fighting under the covers can be highly sexual, especially if you are nude. Any actiity that increases your heart rate and gets you into physical contact will be good for your sex life.
Try out different things. Experiment with sensations of hot, cold smooth, and rough. Try rubbing a piece of ice across your partner's bare torso, or heat things up by placing warmed sones on his back.
Touchy-feely foreplay: use a blindford and thens et out to tantalize his senses. Trickle a little honey over hs lips and then lick it off. Heat up your mouth with earm water or tea, then use your hot lips and tongue to caress and lick his hot spots. Take a silk scarf and rub it over his face and his hands, and massage his penis and testicles. Rub your naked breasts and genitals over his face, chest, and penis. Finally, drape your hair--or use a feather wand or boa--over hsi body and use it to tickle and caress his throat and face. Take off the blindfold, then use your new sensory knowledge to heat things up during sex.
p. 108 Sensual massage is intended to help couples connect intimately with each other, stimulate the senses, and set the mid free.
Erotic massage. Kiss, touch, and massage to crete an all-over-body sensory experience. Focus on obvious hot spots like the genitals, breasts, and bottom, but also target the inner thighs, lower abdomen, and other sensitive places.

p.114 Understanding arousal
Women are often aroused through mental stimuli, such as flirtatious conversation or seductive reading material. Men, on the other hand, prefer visual or physical stimuli, such as the sight or touch of bare skin.
Female arousal: An underlying facto rin female arousal is that sex begins way before the bedroom. In other words, if nothing sounds sexier to you than a long bath, a nice dinner, and freshly laundered sheets, you are probably a woman. It might not be easy for him to understand, but sometimes the sexiest thing your partner can do is to help you cut down on your to-do list, so that you can have the space, time and energy to really focus on sex.
Women ca n take up to 30 minutes to reach their arousal peak. So take your time and make sure that forplay in on target. Men often don't realize that women need extra stimulation to reach a state of arousal where they can achieve an orgasm.
If yuo are seeking a change in the bedroom--such as the addition or removal of a certain technique or position--use positive reinforcement instead of complaints. Any type of positive reinforcement is sure to stick in your partner's head and help him to focus more directly on what gets you feeling aroused--and he won't even realize that the whole thing was your idea.

p.118 Female orgasm
The clitoris is hypersensitive after orgasm, so indirect clitoral stimulation can make you most likely to climax again.
Women are capable of having three different types of orgasm, depending on the stimulation.
Hot spots include the clitoris, G-spots, and cervix, and they are each capable of bringing their own type of pleasure to play. The clitoral organs is perhaps the most commonly known (and achieved) type of orgasm. In addition, some women experience an intense viginal orgasmn. This occurs (for some women_ when the G-spot and cervix are stimulated. You'll need to find the right angle and may need deep penetration. A blended orgasm is the best of both worlds, and usually occurs when a woman's vagina and clitoris are stimulated at the same time.
Sex-giving exerciseL without exercise, vagina can lose elasticity and strength--which means that your sexual response and orgasms can be negatively affected.
One of the easiest ways to heighten your orgasms is to tighten your pelvic muscles and strengthen your pelvis floor through Kegel exercises.
You can also purchase weighted and non-weighted vaginal exercisers to insert into your vagina to exercise your pelvic floor muscles. These are perfect tools for women who want to strengthen their prlvic floor after childbirth.
Vaginal tone and pelvic floor strength can also be perfected through a regular workout of your transverse abdominals.
p.120 Male arousal: He will also adore being seduced by you, so don't always leave it to him to initiate sex. Next time you're in the mood, don't stifle your natural urges; instead, pay him the greatest compliment by telling him that you want him right then.
Indulge yourself with some sexy underwear, then invite your man to a private viewing. If you've been togehter a while, ask him to undress you as it will reawaken the thrill of the first time. Tomake it more exciting tell him that che can only use his teeth.
Touch feels different when it happens somewhere other than the usual location. Takng your man to the shower or hot tub will heighten his sexual pleasure when you massage his hot spots under water. Using different vibrations from the shower head can also be arousing.
p.124 Mutual orgasm
The best positions for couples to achieve a mutual orgasm are probably those where one or both of you have a free hand. Maximum arousal is key, so caress your clitoris while he penetrates you with his penis. It will increase his pleassure, as he will love seeing you being so free and open. If his hands are available, ask him to reach down and rub your clitoris or your perineum.
Make it different. Using a few props can take your usual lovemaking positions to the next level in pleasure. Sex toys, a well-placed chair, a couple of pillows are all you need. Try making love in different places. Any place or position that changes the angle of penetration and creates new sensations will feel exciting and orgasmic.
p.132 Hand-play for her
Indirect stimulation of clitoris is often the most arousing, cince direct touch can feel too intense, and can sometimes be almost painful.Encourage him to gently stimulate you clitoris with his fingers through your panties, or use his entire hand torub across the enxpanse of the vulva--since your clitoris is covered by the labid you willfeel sensations less directly.
Hand-play for him
It can be intimidating to perform manual sex on a man--after all, most men are already experts at self-stimulation themselves.
When men masturbate they tend to forgo a slow and sensual build up in facor of fast intense penis stimulation--the time taken from first touch to ejaculation may sometimes be amatter of seconds. So, by slowing things down and making hand-play seductive , you can offer your lover an entirely differnt manual experience to the one he is used to. Lingering strokes on erogenous zones such as his belly and inner thighs--both tantalizingly close to his penis--will tubo charge his arousal levels and by the time you touch his penis he'll be thoroughly warmed up.

p.190 Erotica
Written erotica is a big turn0on for many women. While men enjoy looking at top-sehlt magazines, enjoying the sexy pictures and minimal text, women are more likely to enjoy reading erotica and imagining the visual content themselves. Try reading erotica solo to luxuriate in sexual scenes and the ideas they evoke. Then, when you want to spice things up with your partner, bring out some of your favorite racy matieial and read him the X-rated bits. Or get into the habit of reading him an erotic bedtime story.
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p.251 Resources
Books
For women only
Passion prescription
The five languages
Conscious loving
Getting the love you want
Guide to getting it on
Women's bodies, women's wisdom
How to be a great lover
Kama Sutra for 21st-century lovers
Tracy Cox's Kama Sutra

Websites
bermancenter.com
the-clitoris.com
delauraberman.com
veginaverite.com

Erotica
Femme productions candidaroyalle.com
Herotica books
Nancy Friday books
p.193 Keeping sex sexy
If you always make love in the same way, ror you don't get as turned on as you used to, do something about it. Come up with some sexy ideas that you want to try, and present them playfully to your partner. It could revamp your relationship s well as your sex life.