Ten things I wish I'd known -- before I went into the real world

Pinpoint Your Passion
p.4 Be honest with yourself about it. Really thing about what you're interested in. What you enjoy, what captures your imagination and gets your brain going. What YOU want to do--not what you believe your parents or your teachers or society or your four brothers think you should do.
I wanted to make a difference in people's lives, but not through law or business or politics or public service.
p.8 Just because you think you must fulfill other's expectations doesn't mean you have to. Abd here's something shocking: You actually might be wrong. I was.
Trust your gut, no matter what you expecxt your parents or teachers or anyone else will think of your choice.

No Job Is Beneath You
p.11 I don't know anyone who hasn't benefited from a willingness to start at the bottom. Even Bill Gates began by doing odd jobs as a programmer.
p.14 He made me ask myself that very first day wether I could take the heat. Could I keep my eye on the prize way down the road? Did I have a fire in my belly? Because you need that conviction if you're going to be able to brush off criticism and negativity dished out by guys like that. And I kew he wouldn't be the last. So he bruised my ego, so what? I'll use him. I'll learn from him. I'll show him. And I did.
You know, maybe he was right. Maybe I was a brat. When what I want is out of reach, I keep climbing until I get it. I've jad tjat lomd pf deter,omatom somce O was a kid. And when you work that hard to pull yourself up, it really means something when you get there.
p.16 Note, Everything does not come easy. Despite what Mom and Dad told you, you cannot always do anything you set your mind to . I woork with people who can dothings I now know I just cannot do, and I accept it.
p.20 Television is like any other business. You grab whatever you can to move yourself forward.
p.21No job is beaneather you. But alo know that on your way up. you may run into critical and judgmental people. jealous people .... No matter. Shake it off. If they have a problem with you, it's their problem,, not yours. Just shelve your ego, put your head down, and bulldog forward, grinding it out. There is no better way to gain respect--and self-respect--than through hard work.

Who You Work for and with Is As Important As What You Do
p.33 God puts mentors in your path. They may not look like you, sound like you, or be what you expect. But they always know more than you, and that's the whole point. Use them. If you don't find one at the beginning of your career, that's okay. Keep your eyes open. Mentors will cross you path later on. Thjey transmit the lessons you need to learn.

You Behavior Has Consequences
p.37 No one but you is respobnsible for how you conduct yourself. You are not a civtim. The single most important determining factor in your life is you. And it's never too early to get your ethical act together.
p.38morning news business--a meat grinder that chews people up and spits them out.
p.43He said that talent and smarts always win out, that if you're good, you'll get the great job. He said never let a puffed-up ego make your decisions for you. That's a hard one if you're a driven person like me, because chances are you've got a sizable ego, too. He taught me to make sure to have people around me honest enough to tell me when my overreaching ego is about to get the better of me.
p.44When I screwed up, I should admit it, take resp[onsibility for it, not blame it on anyone else, and then move on.
This is a family tradiiton that enriches our spirits, and my husband and I are trying to pass the gift along to our children--so they'll grow up world-centered instead of self-centered, with generous hearts like their grandparents.
My mother also drilled this message into me: "Don't depend on your looks." The world was filled with attractive women, looks come and go, and if I want to achieve anything in life, I'd have to do it with my brains.

Be Willing to Fail
p.49 It's incredibly important to understand that FAILING IS PART OF LEARNING. Fear of failure can paralyze you. If you don't risk looking ridiculous or inept or even stupid sometimes, you may stay secure, but you'll also stay the same. By avoiding failure, you're also avoiding life's richness. And what happens if you fail? It can be liberating. In fact, I've found most people who've achieved great success also have experienced some great defeat.
p.53 "Hasta la vista, baby."
p.56 I went home to LA defeated, demoralized, and depressed--taking a bath in a well of self-piity. But as I've said, I've learned that when you fail, it's important to grow from the experience. Use it. Don't let it define you or destroy you. Most of all, don't let it stop you. Pick your head up, dust off your ego, and do what you're most terrified to do: Get back on that horse and ride.

Superwoman Is Dead ... and Superwoman May Be Taking Viagra
p.63 There are so many areas where I can't claim competence, let alone mastery. But I've learned to do a few things really well in the time I have and to ask for help with the rest. The most important job is not to beat up on myself. I's a no-win situation if, no matter what I accomplish, I tell myself it's not good enough. I have to stop setting myself up to feel inadequate.
The first way is to stop comparing myself--yourself--to anyone else. Comparing how you feel on the inside (bad) to the way someone else looks on the outside (GReat) is a losing proposition. It's an impossible standard. We will always come up short. Women in particular know what I'n talking about: We often compare ourselves to others in order to make ourselves feel bad.
p.64HUMILITY MEANS ACCEPTING YOURSELF--with every plus and minus, every defect and asset, exactly as you are today. It's stepping back and appreciating the whole picture: where you are today, what you've done, what you want to do. Humility mean neither beating the hell out of yourself nor glorifying mediocrity. Today's picture isn't set in stone. It will change. That's self-acceptance.
,,,My dad always drove that point home: "You are you, and you are unique." He says, "Anybody who gets to be with you, work with you, or share your life with you is goddamn lucky." I try to keep that thought with me as I travel down the road. You'll need to remind yourself frequently that you're aworthy human being, because there will be people in your path who'll make it their business to tear you down (and especially if you're a woman, you may want to do it yourself). I keep a little saying on my mirror that I read every morning and evening. It says, "I am creative, I am powerful, and I can handle it."
p.65 So don't set yourself up for failure by trying to win an award in every area of your life. But do set high standards for yousrself.
p.66 The key is to stop concentrating on the negative and turn positive. I try not to strain for a goal that I can't possibly achieve. I reach forward, beyond myself, stretching for the limits of what I can achieve today. I must admit I've learned some of this from my husband, who doesn't get paralyzed or beat himself up when he can't do something. He just keeps at it. And he's always learning something.
p.67 Your life is like a mosaic, a puzzle. You have to figure out where the pieces go and put them together for yourself.

Children Do Change Your Career (Not to Mention Your Entire Life)
p.75 I know that really hitting the bottom means being thrown out on the street with no job and no way to feed your kids. I know there are millions of women in truly dire situations who have only themselves to rely on.
p.78 There are all kinds of good mothers. FGigure out what kind of parent you want to be -- and odn't compare yourself to anyone else.
p.82 Never stop listening to good advice. Never be too smart to ask for help or so arrogant you thing you can do it alone.

Marriage Is a Hell of a Lot of Hard Work
p.87 I married a man who recognized I was an individual first and foremost and that my life aprt from him was as important to me as our life together.
p.88 Marriage isn't just a state of being. It requires time, thought, and attention. It's a million separate actions taken in order to stay with someone, share a life with someone, habve a partnership with someone, appreciate and support someone, cultivate love with someone--actions taken consistently over the long haul.
p.89 "Don't expect or rely on me to make you happy." Well I thought, isn't his grasp of the English language adorable. Who else is supposed to make me happy, if not him? But he was adamant. "You must be happy with yourself first. Be happy with your life separate from what the other person brings to the table." This was serious. He told me he'd be hte icing on the cake, but that I shouldn't excpect him to be the whole dessert. Now, that definitely wouldn't make a good lyric for a romantic love song, but I knew he was right.
And I say here to MEN as well, do not expect a woman to handle and arrange all the noncareer areas of your life for you, as if your job is your only responsibility in the marriage. You can't opt out of all the other areas of your own life.
p.90 There's mo faster way to kill love than to blame the other party for not doing what you ought to do for yourself. To be sure, you can be blissfully happy with a partner, but you can't hold him or her responsbible for making and keeping you happy.
Moving right along to Happily Ever After. Guess what? Not. It's another delusion that ctrreates crazy expectations. I have a really strong marriage, and I'm not a happy little wifey 24 hours a day. Things happen....Life goes up and down, and so does the natural ebb and flow in a relationship.
p.93 Also make sure that you have a great time on your own before you get married. You'll have a great time after you get married, but it's kjust a different kind of great time, if you catch my drift. Enjoy your freedom. Spend as much time as you can getting to know yourself and what you want and need. And then keep your eyes open for that great love to appear--that person who loves you for you.
p.94 Don't expect your prospective mate to be the be--all and end-all -- to have all the same interests, to want to talk about all the same things. No one person can do it all for you. Didn't you ever notice that's why you have a variety of friends? Friends are people who reflect different aspects and interests of your life. For me, there are the other mothers, the work partners, the diet buddies, the gossip hounds, the soul sisters. It's a hand-picked support network tailor-made by me for me --especially important since I have no biological sisters. They help me with the kids, tell me I don't have to be Superwoman, warn me if I'm not being true to myself, and scream that I don't have to lose another five pounds. Girlfriends are the ones who fill in the gaps and pick up the slack left by your primary relationship. That's what friends are for.

Don't Expect Anyone Else to Support You Financially

Laughter
p. 107 People always ask me what attracted me to my husband. It was his sense of humor. Take my advice. Pick your partner not only for the lust, but for the laughter. Trust me. You'll need humor much more than you'll need money, a great job, a fabulous wardrobe, oreven being thin.
p.109 He's just done abetter job managing his time and being able to say no to things he doesn't want to do. (This one is a big issue for most women.) The truth is I know many more men than women who are able to steal time away for themselves.
p.110 Life's awesome responsibilities have a way of creeping up on you, wearing you down, making you dead serious, robbing you of laughter and joy. I hear it from people my age all the time. They say, "I'm not having any fun anymore. I can't remember the last time I laughed till I cried. I can't remember the last time I felt free." They let the joy go.
p.111We felt so bad about ourselves, we washed it away in rivers of laughter. You have to laugh at yourself if you do something stupid or jerky--especially if that's the only way you're going to get a laugh that day at all.
p.113 I've asked myself where I learned to be both so ambitious and driven on the one hand, and so willing to laugh at myself on the other. I think I've figured it out. My mother.
p.114 And I gre up with that voice in my ear -- "Get in there, Maria. Just get in there and do it!" -- and also the sound of laughter, me laughing at my own nerve. The lesson I learned was to take what I do seriously, but not take myself so seriously.
Sometimes when you have a free moment, write down what has given you joy in yourlife. What have you been happiest doing? What's been fun? What has made you laugh till you cried? Keep that paper and look at it every souple of years. You'll be suprised how quickly you forget to do those things, so caught up are you in getting ahead and taking yourself too seriously. When you fella lack of laughs in your life, look at your list and do one of the thins on it. Put some of the joy back in.
p.115 Andf I've been reminding myself about having more humility. I find when I have an accurate picture of myself--and accept and appreciate where I am in my life and where I still want to go--that's when I have the perspective and attitude that allows me to enjoy myself and have a good laugh.
The love and the laughter are what you need most in your life. They'll fil outr all the potholes in the road.
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p.118 Each and every one of you is an awesome, powerful, resilient huamn being capable of living the life you design for youself. It's within you to cave out your own future, create your own destiny. You're in a glorious moment, filled with possibility. Try to keep this feeling of endless possibility alive as long as possible. Whenever you feel it fading, call it back and renew it. That's a gift you can give yourself. You deserve to feel great about your life.
Someone wise once told me that courage is walking through your fear with faith. I wish all of you the faith and the courage to pinpoint your passion. Now go out there, be free, and achieve it.

p.119 "If I could spare you the pain you're experiencing, I wouldn't--because I wouldn't want to deprive you of the strength and wisedom you'll gain from having gone through it and come out the other side."

p.121 I wish I'd known ealier how to say NO. What I'm realizing is that really smart people don't burden themselves with guilt. They're comfortable saying, "No, I can't do one more ting." They just manage their time ery well. They do not do ti all, but whatever they do, they do well. Tis is my goal today.
p.124-5
I wish I'd known how often I'd reinvent myself. .. It reinvigorated me, got me excited again, passionate again. And here I am now, writing yet another book. I really wish I'd known there isn't just one answer to the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" .. We can reinvent ourselves and find a whole new world out there--or a whole new world within ourselves. Over and over again.

I wish I'd known how to be at peace with myself sooner. .. I don't think I was ever truly proud of myself until one day in April 1999.... After 43 years on this planet, I felt I'd accomplished something. I was being recognized not for my faily or my husband or my looks, but for myself and my own hard owk. It told me I had a right to be proud of myself. Finally.